Looks good..too bad it stunk!

If you are a fan of the original two movies Pitch Black and Riddick, you will like me find this movie to be the complete load of rubbish it is. Ok so the craze these days is to build a franchise and milk an idea for every dollar its worth, but you do at least have to make decent sequels for this to work!

Using a CGI landscape reminiscent almost of Amiga graphics, Vin Diesel grunts his way (on a green screen) through a few hours that seem to not make much sense. For some very obscure reason he wakes up on a planet left for dead then has to fight his way off it..

Along the way he kills various people and fights alien monsters. That’s about it. This film lacked most of the originality or interest of the previous movies and the Riddick character should have been left on DVD. Of course having said that, I know like me you’ll watch it just because you enjoyed the original films. This one is the Highlander II of the series I’m afraid!

Buffy (Sarah Michelle) stars in this psycho thriller which presents itself as something of a supernatural horror flick. For most of the film it lives up to these expectations. Only in the end do we realise its just a plain old stalker film.

I don’t think it was a very notable film, in fact in most places I found it very slow and dull. It was however a remotely interesting idea so probably worth putting at the bottom of the pile for a maybe watch at some point.

Essentially two brothers have a car smash and supposedly switch personalities. The wife thinks the brother she used to hate is now the husband. As you might have guessed (as its a remotely interesting idea) this is a remake of the Korean Horror film Addicted. If your up for a few subtitles, I’d go for the original as it was much better though.

You just had to know something is wrong when these two hook up..

Sweet little Ellen Page of Juno fame is decidedly not sweet in this man-hating symphony of violence and excruciating excess. I should have known that it would not be exactly very nice when I read this was a revenge flick before watching it..

Page hooks up with a man twice her age over the internet (she plays a 14 years old) and agrees to meet him. Now already I was beginning to wonder if this movie was not somewhere amiss at this precise point. Then they go back to his house and alarm bells are still going off for me.

Some drugs in the drinkie poo later and the man is tied to a chair ready to face Page’s vengeance against anyone she deems to be a paedophile.  Alright I will not ruin it for you anymore if you haven’t seen it, but strong stomachs are called for and don’t expect to be left feeling uplifted or improved in anyway – unless you believe paedophile’s deserve to be tortured, in which case you’ll probably love it! Personally its one of those movies I wish I could just un-watch like The Human Centipede and other unnecessary hate-fests.

A sort of elf who helps protect the magic stick.

Ok for a telemovie this was not nearly as awful as I thought it would be. We follow the fairly standard story as laid out by Bram Stoker with a few interesting variations thrown in for good measure.

Van Helsing makes an appearance with a magic stick that is the only magic stick that can kill Dracula (and theres me thinking any old stake through the heart would do it). We follow the journeys of the stick and the people around it trying to kill Dracula.

Not bad special effects and production values for a TV jobbie, nothing greatly original, but not exactly a waste of a couple of hours.

Bright happy smiles..but not for long!

A rather interesting British film about a group of party-going young Brit girls in Majorca who meet up with a group of equally young guys and go off on a private yacht for some fun.

Lots of drugs and graphic sex takes place until something goes horribly wrong..then Donkey Punch turns into something of a slasher flick with one tense moment after another.

Some very impressive performances by the young cast, in particular Ray Winstone’s daughter Jaime of kidulthood fame for whom this would have been a very early role.

Yes he does look pissed off!

If you like westerns with a bit of horror thrown in you’ll like Dead in Tombstone. Mickey Rouke plays a very rotund Devil collecting souls of dead outlaws as they descend to hell, the rest of the cast are fairly inconsequential except for Danny Trejo who gives a reasonable performance.

Essentially a bank robbing gang turn on one of their own and kill him. He makes a deal with the devil and returns to try and kill them all in revenge in one day in exchange for his own soul.

Lots of the usual sort of gunfights ensue and blood and guts fly through the air. The film reminded me somewhat of the 1999 film Purgatory without it quite being as good.

Abducted is a very strange film that looks to have been made on a fairly restrictive budget. The plot sort of goes: young couples are being abducted from a particular park and find themselves in dark cells with strange medical experiments being performed on them.

As if this is not bad enough the plot unravels into implications for the very planet earth itself…no not some sex-crazed psychopath collecting them as you might think!

Not exactly the best movie ever made, but then not the worst either.